Tuesday, November 19, 2013

broken.

I got shots today. Two of them. Routine shots that people planning to visit a foreign country like Ethiopia generally get - hepatitis and TDAP. No big deal.

The clinic is tucked away off a main road near our downtown district. I'd never been in a non-hospital medical facility in my life…and I'm never going to be the same again.

I know that sounds melodramatic, but it's not. It changed me. For life.

I went in, and felt immediately alone. I didn't have my always-confident, super in-control Daddy, didn't have my Mama's hand to hold. I was alone. And I felt it acutely.

There was hardly anyone there except the employees, but they were super sweet despite seeming rather subdued. But once I'd been there a little while, I thought honestly, who can blame them? I was given a form to fill out, and sent to a waiting room.

It wasn't an unpleasant place, dark and gray, clean…yet lonely. But as I sat down and looked around me, I realized where I was. A waiting room. A waiting room at a public health department facility. On the tables around me were flyers and magazines, all with information that might be helpful to people waiting to see a nurse.

Almost all of it was information for girls. On their options. Options for them and their child.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

I felt even more vulnerable as I sat there in that room, the only one there, mental images of how many young girls have sat in that same room, terrified, alone, frightened, clueless. Staring at these papers on the table, wondering what the in world they are going to do.

I was there for a routine shot.
They were there to confirm their deepest fear and make the life and death decision.

My heart broke for them.

The whole time the nurse was preparing my shots, prepping me, asking me if I felt okay, I wasn't really there. If I looked pale, it wasn't because I was afraid of getting a shot. It was because I was allowing my heart to open up and find a place for these mothers - these young, scared mothers who the pro-life community has a tendency to forget. Finding a place in my aching heart for the girls my age who don't have a Daddy to protect them, or a Mama to hold their hand, and subsequently turn elsewhere for security…and end up in a gray, health department waiting room facing a life-altering decision.

I came home choked up. I'm crying right now as I relive today in my mind. Today, I caught a glimpse of the fear and anguish that this world holds, and what our culture hides.

It broke my heart, y'all. Broke it.

6 comments:

  1. And that is why I'm going into constitutional law. Abortion is the main force in my want to become a lawyer.

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    1. That's encouraging to hear, Josiah. Proud of you!

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  2. Are you planning on going over seas?

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    1. Yes! I'm going to Ethiopia in March :D

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    2. That's news! Excited for you and glad to see you following God's leading to the "uttermost parts of the earth!

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