Friday, January 30, 2015

"mirrors" [written january 28]

this came to my heart the other day, and I really wanted to share it. It's a little more abstract than I usually write, but hey, no problem with that, is there? be blessed.

Today I felt like a very small child.

It was early morning - very early morning - and my girls were asleep, and everything was still and quiet.

I was sitting cross-legged, in my flannel pjs and sweatshirt, looking at myself in the mirror (not hard to do, since my host home has mirrors for closet doors - so honestly it's hard to *not* look at yourself), just looking at myself. And looking at myself.

I was on the phone with a treasured friend of mine, and we were talking about life, and love, and people, and Jesus. And I was looking at myself in the mirror the whole time.

It hit me, as we talked, as I looked at myself, that this is my life. This is my story that I'm living. And, as Aslan has so famously said, "No one is ever told anyone's story but their own." And I'm walking mine.

Every place we go, the people I meet ask me how old I am, and if my parents are okay with me being out here on the road like this, and do they miss me, and what am I going to do after this?

And today, as I talked to a very real person on the other end of the phone line, about very real things that have happened/are happening/are going to happen, I realized that it's just little old Liza sitting here on the bed, in her pjs, talking.

Not too long ago, I was ten years old and my biggest problems usually had to do with piano music and schoolwork and whether or not I had dessert or not, and pleeeeease don't put chunks of tomato in the spaghetti sauce. And now, I'm twenty years old, with quite a bit of responsibility for some very special children, and I'm having to work through grown-up things, and talk and act like a grown-up.

I never imagined my life to look like this. And yet, I'm not really surprised. Somehow it just happened. Time passed, and somewhere in the turning years, I grew up.

I kept looking at myself, fiddling with my hair, and asking myself, "Is this really me? Sitting here? In California? Doing what I'm doing, living what I'm living?"

And in that moment, I felt very small. Very young - maybe ten years old.

You know, of course, I'm not. And I know that. But it was a funny feeling, sitting there, talking like a grown up and feeling ten years old.

"There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens...
I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." - Ecclesiastes 3

1 comment:

  1. You should do random abstract posts like this more often. They're refreshing.

    I had a weird moment a few days ago. It was a good day - busy. I dropped my stuff off at a table in the student union building and then went to get some water. And only when I got there - to the other side of the building - did I realize I had skipped the whole way. Without thinking about it. Just because I was happy. And I felt like I was 10 again.

    xo

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