Monday, April 30, 2012

not perfect.

There are days (like today) when I wish I was already grown up. I mean, *normally* I like being a teenager and figuring things out and getting older and gaining experience...but now I wish I already had it. I wish I already knew what my life is going to look like. I wish I knew what I'd be doing to earn a living, what "higher eduction" I'd decided to pursue, or where I'd live. I don't like being "in-between" - ready to be on my own or completely dependent.

There are days (like today) when I wish our family had no rules. No almost-impossible-to-keep "promises" for good behavior. No structured schedules to keep us on track. No trust issues - 'cause there'd be nothing to trust. No relationships to work on. No profile or reputation to maintain.

There are days (like today) when I wish...that...that...that I could be happy and perfectly content right where I am. That I could truly be happy at home. Truly be happy without the attention or even friendship of people close to me. Truly happy without my dreams to keep me going. Truly happy in the midst of a lot of change (or upcoming change). Truly happy *alone*.

Annnnnnnd.....there are days (like today) that I know that the one real thing I need to do is pray and be in Scripture - even if I don't really want to be. I need to get right with God, right with my parents. Humble myself. Even though I may not want to see or see the reason why.

Sum of this post: I'm not perfect. I never will be. It's days like today that remind me of just how lost I really am. How hopeless I am on my own. And what a *merciful* and *forgiving* Savior we have.

5 comments:

  1. Hmm...sorry you're feeling so down, Jo. (I feel like calling you a comforting name (you know, adding a 'y' or something), but that would make you a 'joey', and that's just not quite right.)
    Soo...let me try to cheer you up.

    1) Go watch today's Messy Monday if you haven't already. Yeah, it's good. :D As always...
    2) I'm gonna see you sunday!! (can't wait!)
    3) I've been having a lot of days like that lately. Just not today. :)

    Love you!

    ~Vivi~

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  2. It sounds like you're having the type of day that is a wishing-that-I-could-just-be-with-my-perfect-Savior-in-heaven-right-now type of day. And yet knowing that being here on earth is still within His marvelous plan for your life. It's wonderful to know that even on days like this, God is always there, and He is molding us by making us depend on Him (since there's nothing else really dependable like He is). If we were truly truly alone, we would be without Him and then we would never be truly happy. He is awesome. How cool our God is, and He wants us! (And He is patient with us. Yeah, He's awesome!!!)

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  3. Sounds like you had a Jonah day. I can sympathize. Wait till I tell you what's going on in my life. :P

    My prescription: Give yourself a giant hug from me and go listen to the broadway show of your choice. :)

    xoxoxo
    Katy-Anne

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  4. Jo,

    Happy May!
    Isn't it comforting that as long as you know you're a lost sinner, you don't have to work to maintain your profile/reputation? It's not usually hard to convince people how bad you are. ; D
    Amen to the last paragraph, and I hope that either today is smoother sailing for you, or you are sleeping through the storm.

    Love,
    The Fourteenth-Assistant Kitchen Maid

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  5. Thinking of you today.

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