Tuesday, June 19, 2012

left behind?

Today is Day Four of Being Very Sick. At least I'm not exhausted today - my strength is coming back. At least my closed up, sore throat is gone. At least. But I still am *completely* congested and my head is aching and my stomach hurts. Other than that, I'm fine.

Okay, enough with the pity party and the sarcasm. I did need to get that out though...

I'm here at home, trying to be content. This is the second day of swim practice I've had to miss out on. I actually went yesterday and just watched and hung out, but today Mama and the girls almost forcibly held me down and said I couldn't go. We do have a meet tomorrow, and I guess I need my rest if I want to swim that. But it's SO HARD to be left behind.

I don't like being left behind.

And I've been fighting that feeling in more than one area of life recently, so it's kinda interesting that I get to spend the whole morning here thinking about being left behind.

You see, with that "unusual" decision of mine NOT to leave my family and go to college this fall, I've had to start coming to terms with what that actually means. It means that I'm going to be here, in my hometown, for a whole school year, working, spending time with my family, playing piano, acting, and most of all, praying for direction for what I should do next. Which sounds great, right?

Yeah. Just not to the folks who are concerned that I'm not going to "do" anything with my life. Not going to get a good education (??), not going to get a good job and make money. Which are valid concerns. But I just don't think college is the solution to those problems. At least, not for me this year.

But just because I'm taking a gap year doesn't mean others aren't. And I know that, come fall, when everyone's busy at college and I'm not, that I'm going to miss being with them and wish I hadn't been "left behind" to "miss out". Miss out on what? Oh, I don't know. Just whatever they're doing. But really, deep down, I know that I'm never left behind - 'cause this gap year is what I feel God has asked me to do for Him, and He wouldn't do it just to make me feel lonely for no reason. I'm going to grow this year, I know.

But still. Today is one of those days. I'm sick, sitting in bed writing thank you notes and reading books on my Kindle (another story for another day :D), looking at adorable bedrooms on Pinterest, and listening to country music. And still I have too much time....time enough to count off on my fingers the days I have left until I have to say goodbye.

And it probably won't be that bad anyway. The time will fly, and it'll be winter break and then spring break and then summer again before I know it. But still.

Oh, the thoughts one has when one's home sick from the pool....


  1. To those who are concerned for your future: gently remind them that you actually graduated from high school a whole year early. It's not like taking a gap year means you'll be a year behind when (if) you start college.

    Random thought: at least you have a piano. I haven't played one in over a MONTH!

  2. Aww, I hope you get better soon! Being sick is the. aboslute. worst. Yuck.
    I'll write you a nice long comment for a bit of entertainment. :) You'll probably laugh at me, but here I go...
    I totally get what you mean by being left behind. Most of my friends "of course" are going to college, because that's just what you do, but I'm not entirely sure I want to go at all. What is the purpose of going to another school for four years, when you could be starting your own business (I would hopefully still be designing blogs), helping out at home, etc? And plus, school has never been something I particularly enjoyed. :) But it does have it's benefits...I would love to continue French, and become fluent. So yeah. Those are my thoughts on college. And I've got lots of time to decide, so I really shouldn't be worried about this yet...silly me. :)
    I saw your pictures from the beach, and didn't get to commenting, so I'll tell ya here:
    Zuzu. Gahh, I love her. And that bathing suit is aboslutely. precious. Tell Leia Happy Birthday for me! Hah, all the boys relaxing on the couch is hilarious.
    Okay, I couldn't surf to save my life. So kudos to y'all. :)

    ...oh dear, that was rather long. :/

  3. Guess what? I am one more reminder that "everybody" is not going to college this fall. But you're right: that shouldn't be your true comfort. I've been thinking a lot about Heb. 13:5. That's a comfort.
    I am sorry you are sick. But I was just thinking recently how nice it would be to have a good excuse to read all the books on my Kindle and watch all the epic movies I like. But I don't envy you -- honest! Get well soon. Blessings to you.

    ~The Ordinary Princess

  4. So sorry to hear you are sick, Jo! Being sick is the worst.

    Everyone should have their own space to make their own decisions about life after highschool. There are so many options. I decided to go the college route, but people still think that it is weird that I am living at home, working, and taking online classes. Most of the time, I don't regret not going away to college. I appreciate being able to spend my free time with my Christian family and friends rather than around non-Christian peers who are making horrible choices.

    God will continue to guide about what to do in future years, just like He did for this past year!

    Sorry this is such a long comment.

    --Raelyn Nicole